And the night came...
Northman has become my North Star;
My Polaris in this constellation called life...
:)
August 30, 2006
My North Star
And the night came...
Northman has become my North Star;
My Polaris in this constellation called life...
:)
August 29, 2006
I wait for the night to come...
It’s been a week since I started exchanging messages with Northman…
Yesterday, I became bolder and sent him a ‘loaded’ txt message; at least I don’t have any more reasons to chicken out and be mum again next time we meet, and we’re set to meet tonight. I can’t really think clearly now, I actually tossed and turn in bed last night thinking of what I can possibly say; how I will say what I have to say and hopefully really say what I have come to say…
What is it that I have to say… nothing loquaciously eloquent really; just three simple words…
But then the question is; am I rushing? I think my answer remains the same - It will always take an instant for me to love a person...
And so, now I wait for the night to come so I can tell him that...
Yesterday, I became bolder and sent him a ‘loaded’ txt message; at least I don’t have any more reasons to chicken out and be mum again next time we meet, and we’re set to meet tonight. I can’t really think clearly now, I actually tossed and turn in bed last night thinking of what I can possibly say; how I will say what I have to say and hopefully really say what I have come to say…
What is it that I have to say… nothing loquaciously eloquent really; just three simple words…
But then the question is; am I rushing? I think my answer remains the same - It will always take an instant for me to love a person...
And so, now I wait for the night to come so I can tell him that...
:)
August 28, 2006
A night of extreme emotions....
I slept Friday night with a smile as I look forward to Saturday with much anticipation… Northman (my friends call him that) has agreed for us to come together to a friend’s thanksgiving dinner party who was recently hospitalized for a very serious medical problem. As soon as I got his confirmation it suddenly dawned on me that we would be coming in late to the party and we, coming together would be so obvious for everyone to notice. I panicked and call a friend for help, I was worried for him more; his recent ex could possibly be there as well and he being seen with me would certainly make tongue wagging all over.
Friends have graciously provided a smokescreen as we arrived. I can’t forget the look in their faces as they saw us come in together, good thing there were not so many people we know who could have noticed that sudden plastered smile in their faces. Oh well, I was beaming and ‘glowing’ more as they claimed; yup my excitement level was too high that my head was already swimming; I can’t seem to get the drift most of the conversations I had.
As they said, when you’re up, there’s no other way but down. And crashed down I did as I saw our friend confined to bed. I’m a doctor and I have seen far worse cases than him but still I was not prepared seeing him that way. I can’t really bear myself to look him straight in the eye as I was afraid my eyes would betray the strength and encouragement I was trying so hard to give him. I thought that all the years of clinical practice have already steeled me for this kind of situation. I was dead wrong; I felt so helpless for him. I have only known him recently, but he is really something; he is a very admirable man for he exudes sereneness and composure despite all the pain he is suffering.
It’s been a stormy, extreme swing of emotion for me all in one night. I was sure glad to have friends to have hold and hug me during that night. Company of friends really made a difference to ease what I was feeling that night. As I drove him home I was quiet most of the way; I have lost all the things that I have mentally prepared to say; I just hope he did not sense my discomfort as I was disturbed with our friend’s condition. His brief, but to me seemed to be a lingering touch on my arm as he was about to get off the car was so comforting, enough to accompany me on my not so long drive home.
Friends have graciously provided a smokescreen as we arrived. I can’t forget the look in their faces as they saw us come in together, good thing there were not so many people we know who could have noticed that sudden plastered smile in their faces. Oh well, I was beaming and ‘glowing’ more as they claimed; yup my excitement level was too high that my head was already swimming; I can’t seem to get the drift most of the conversations I had.
As they said, when you’re up, there’s no other way but down. And crashed down I did as I saw our friend confined to bed. I’m a doctor and I have seen far worse cases than him but still I was not prepared seeing him that way. I can’t really bear myself to look him straight in the eye as I was afraid my eyes would betray the strength and encouragement I was trying so hard to give him. I thought that all the years of clinical practice have already steeled me for this kind of situation. I was dead wrong; I felt so helpless for him. I have only known him recently, but he is really something; he is a very admirable man for he exudes sereneness and composure despite all the pain he is suffering.
It’s been a stormy, extreme swing of emotion for me all in one night. I was sure glad to have friends to have hold and hug me during that night. Company of friends really made a difference to ease what I was feeling that night. As I drove him home I was quiet most of the way; I have lost all the things that I have mentally prepared to say; I just hope he did not sense my discomfort as I was disturbed with our friend’s condition. His brief, but to me seemed to be a lingering touch on my arm as he was about to get off the car was so comforting, enough to accompany me on my not so long drive home.
:)
August 26, 2006
I have found... lost... and found love again...
It’s been a while since my last post. I still have to finish my 3rd ulan story…
What have happened since? A lot I would say…
My last post was during the time I went back to my alma mater for my judging chore. I have done some schooling as well, having finished a grueling one-week course in hospital management at AGSB. It was an eye-opening course actually; now I know what to call those things that I have been doing; it was a very good academic exercise to put label into things I have been used to doing, which I know as just simple management guided by common sense. That put me into thinking whether I would still pursue my desire to enroll in an MBA program. At this point, what for? Maybe as an added degree; to make my resume more impressive; and perhaps another career path/option in the future; other than that I really see no other point; coz I’m already doing the things that are supposed to be taught in MBA School.
On the love front, my last post talks as well of my continuing effort to bridge and nurture a continuing friendly relationship with F. I have tried, and still continuing to try; never wanting to burn bridges. I can sense some trepidation on his part; only time will reveal what would really come of it. Have I lost my love for him? I still stand on my previous statement; my love goes beyond the distance of relationship, I have love and that is all that matter.
I have loved again? Or rather I would say that I have found a way to rekindle the passion I feel for a person I met a while back. So let me backtrack: I started playing badminton again April this year, when I joined this Sunday badminton group in Pasig. I saw him, or rather got hooked into him on the second Sunday that I played there; to put it simply, my heart went a flutter the first time my eyes get caught of him; in short I developed this crush on him, his mere presence made me literally dumb, I don’t know why. Super torpe I have been, my friends called and teased me as a matter of fact. Oh well, I have contented myself seeing/glancing from a distance. What can I do, my mind goes blank when I’m in front of him. During the course, I have love and lost and so is he as I came to know.
I really don’t know what came of me, but this week I finally had the courage to send him a txt message, that is almost after 2 weeks of getting hold of his cell number. I sent him what maybe considered a non-sensical message, a very lame excuse just to say hi. I was crushed when he did not reply, at least not immediately. But when he did the exchange continued until the following day. I really do not know where my boldness came from but I did invite him that night for dinner, and gladly he accepted. And so I had a dinner date with him, if that can be called a ‘date’; a friend said if there’s just the two of you, it’s already called a date, fine. I was still tongue-tied most of the time, but at least I got over my ka-torperhan, in a way. All in all it was really a good exercise to demystify and deconstruct my crush in him; a good start to possibly know him on a deeper level. I’m going to see him again later this evening; I hope this time the air would be more relaxed; hopefully we would find comfort and ease in each other to freely share and open up.
What have happened since? A lot I would say…
My last post was during the time I went back to my alma mater for my judging chore. I have done some schooling as well, having finished a grueling one-week course in hospital management at AGSB. It was an eye-opening course actually; now I know what to call those things that I have been doing; it was a very good academic exercise to put label into things I have been used to doing, which I know as just simple management guided by common sense. That put me into thinking whether I would still pursue my desire to enroll in an MBA program. At this point, what for? Maybe as an added degree; to make my resume more impressive; and perhaps another career path/option in the future; other than that I really see no other point; coz I’m already doing the things that are supposed to be taught in MBA School.
On the love front, my last post talks as well of my continuing effort to bridge and nurture a continuing friendly relationship with F. I have tried, and still continuing to try; never wanting to burn bridges. I can sense some trepidation on his part; only time will reveal what would really come of it. Have I lost my love for him? I still stand on my previous statement; my love goes beyond the distance of relationship, I have love and that is all that matter.
I have loved again? Or rather I would say that I have found a way to rekindle the passion I feel for a person I met a while back. So let me backtrack: I started playing badminton again April this year, when I joined this Sunday badminton group in Pasig. I saw him, or rather got hooked into him on the second Sunday that I played there; to put it simply, my heart went a flutter the first time my eyes get caught of him; in short I developed this crush on him, his mere presence made me literally dumb, I don’t know why. Super torpe I have been, my friends called and teased me as a matter of fact. Oh well, I have contented myself seeing/glancing from a distance. What can I do, my mind goes blank when I’m in front of him. During the course, I have love and lost and so is he as I came to know.
I really don’t know what came of me, but this week I finally had the courage to send him a txt message, that is almost after 2 weeks of getting hold of his cell number. I sent him what maybe considered a non-sensical message, a very lame excuse just to say hi. I was crushed when he did not reply, at least not immediately. But when he did the exchange continued until the following day. I really do not know where my boldness came from but I did invite him that night for dinner, and gladly he accepted. And so I had a dinner date with him, if that can be called a ‘date’; a friend said if there’s just the two of you, it’s already called a date, fine. I was still tongue-tied most of the time, but at least I got over my ka-torperhan, in a way. All in all it was really a good exercise to demystify and deconstruct my crush in him; a good start to possibly know him on a deeper level. I’m going to see him again later this evening; I hope this time the air would be more relaxed; hopefully we would find comfort and ease in each other to freely share and open up.
:)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
