Dilemma

I am gay; whatever kind of label one puts at it, I would always be defined as someone, a man who likes/loves another man. I have already come to accept that part of me and I don't think of any other thing happening could ever change that. This fact, I have intimidated to someone who apparently got so infatuated with me. But despite this pronouncement, she persists; it's almost nine months now.

What did she see/find in me? I really do not know: I'm no swashbuckling, macho type of guy; I'm no flamboyantly debonair type of guy either. I don't have millions as she has. I don't have fame as she has. I'm no sugary sweet for I have actually been so abrasive to the point of being too snob and a slob type of guy yet, she still sees me differently as saccharine? I have done most of the imaginable things that could turn off anyone and yet...

It's flattering to be pursued; even more flattering that the pursuer is someone of name; but I don't know what to take of all this anymore; perhaps it's all about the thrill of pursuit. A friend suggested for me to take the bait, let her have me for a while, and perhaps this way the thrill would be gone; and that by then she could also be gone in a jiffy. Perhaps I would, I could, if I am a straight guy; but the problem is I'm too straight of a gay guy to get my self romantically involve with a woman. It really takes substantive amount of attraction for me to really get romantically involve with anyone, much more to a woman, an older woman at that. How appropriate her signature song could be "sayang...."

Dilemma: The whole workplace is getting buzzed on the supposed romance between us; I'm getting too uncomfortable. I can allow my self to be swallowed in the lie or I could get my self out. Hopefully, things would quietly die down. I don't need to explain my self anyway.

:)